There I am, once more praying that the baby will stop crying and fall asleep. Hoping I don’t have to go pick him up again since this would make the fourth time in three hours, I was exhausted. And I had it easy without the two year old this time as she was at Nana and Papa’s. — I can’t do this. — I honestly remember thinking that I could not continue in what I was doing, that I could not continue in what I was called to do at that moment, be a mom.
This was not the first time, of course. Many other moments had come and gone before this where I thought I could not continue, when I wanted to run away and give up hope but I didn’t. Just like all the other times I continued, I walked into that room and pick up my son and rocked him gently till he finally relaxed and fell asleep in my arms. Despite wanting to walk away, I returned to my child because of how much I love him.
It was as I was walking away that I was struck so profoundly with what had just occurred. How many times had I fought, cried, screamed, and complained in my life until God came in and picked me up. And there I am standing on my feet again for a few moments before I am once more fighting, crying, and screaming. Only to have Him come and pick me up again. Can you feel it? That profound love that surges every single time He walks back into the room to pick you up again. A love He holds just for you, His beloved, His child. He never thinks of giving up on us. His love simply is, forever, never doubting, always constant.
How many times have we forgotten that no matter the struggle, no matter the exhaustion, no matter the task before us, He has not left us. I like to imagine him chuckling to the Father and shaking His head, bantering about how long I will fight this time before I let Him pick me up. Because just like I sat in the other room praying for my son to stop crying, I have no doubt Christ has sat at the right hand of the Father interceding for me, just waiting for me to grow tired enough of doing things in my own strength so He could pick me up and I could rest in Him. When was the last time you rested completely in His arms?
Psalms 62: 5
Rest in God alone, my soul,
for my hope comes from Him.
Brianna is married to an amazing husband, whom she met when she was 9 years old, and the only man she has ever dated or kissed. She has two crazy rambunctious children under two years old so life is always a mess! When not cleaning up or kissing boo boo’s she loves to write, compose, and study.
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