“…in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins” (Colossians 1:14).
Do you want to be completely out of debt?
Are you kidding? Everyone in the United States and around the globe would like to be out of debt. There is so much pain that people have experienced because of debt. Just think of the relief that you would feel if all your financial debts were wiped away… Well, there is something much more costly than financial debt. That is the debt of sin that mankind owes the Eternal One.
Jesus is the only One who was able to pay a debt for you that you could not pay, the forgiveness of your sins. To redeem is to cancel your debt: He bought you back and brought you back from the enemy of your soul. Jesus will not only get you out of the pit you were in He will get rid of your sins that you are doomed to repeat. If you are tired of your old life, let Jesus into every one of your life moments. He makes all things new.
“For He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves” Colossians 1:13.
Do you have feel trapped in your circumstances?
Even though you may feel trapped, if you turn to Jesus Christ, He will rescue you from the control of darkness. No matter how deep, or dark, or dull your pit feels, His light overcomes all darkness. His light overcomes depression, financial difficulties, lost jobs, broken relationships, fear, trauma. He will not only get you out of your pit, He will place you into a family, the body of Christ, who can help you heal and become whole.
Tondalanea Scott is an unusual and unique woman of God. She has been married for 13 years to NFL player, pastor and author Freddie Scott. She has partnered with him in founding Unlock the Champion a nonprofit organization reaching young men and women nation wide with the message of lifting yourself, loving your spouse, leading your children, and leaving a legacy. Tondalanea is also a minister at Faith Life Church and the mom of five beautiful children. Take a moment right now to listen to this interview and share it with a friend to encourage them.
Sandy has been married to her husband David Houston for 35 years. Together they have had rich years of ministry and have traveled to the nations sharing a message of building strong marriages and families. They are known for their warmth and integrity. Sandy has embodied what it means to be a woman who lays down her life for her husband and her children. She now is rewarded with the joy of having adult children who serve God. David and Sandy also went through the pain of losing one of their children who died when he was 3 years old. God has used their pain and loss to minister to others who have gone through difficult things. Sandy continues to minister alongside her husband David who serves as a church consultant with Every Nation coaching, training and supporting church planters and pastors worldwide. (You can send a message to Sandy on Facebook under Sandy Burgin Houston).
Every day there is an invisible struggle which can be intensely raging in the mind, and it will be seen on the outside through our emotions and actions. Galatians 5 describes the fight:
“So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions.”Galatians 5:16-17 NLT
What do you crave?
When we choose to satisfy the cravings of the flesh, we will sin. Most of the time when we think about sin, we think about stealing, lying, cheating, quarreling or committing an act of sexual impurity. However, sin begins as a seed in the mind that takes root and grows into an attitude of jealousy, impurity, idolatry, hostility, and envy, among others. Sinful actions follow these attitudes. Often the cravings of our souls come from lusting after legitimate needs and trying to fulfill them in illegitimate ways. The Spirit gives us desires that are opposite to what the flesh craves.
The Fruit of Anger
The craving to satisfy one’s own happiness can lead to anger and frustration. An emotion in itself is not good or bad, but how we choose to act upon it can be. Anger is a normal human emotion that can fuel positive things. Jesus fashioned a whip in the temple and drove out the money-changers who were stealing from people and dishonoring God’s house. Martin Luther King focused the anger of African Americans into non-violent protests that led to overturning racist laws. Candy Lightner took her own devastation of her thirteen-year-old daughter being killed by a hit-and-run driver to found M.A.D.D. (Mothers Against Drunk Driving). These examples show that the human emotion of anger can be a righteous indignation that leads to positive change.
Most of the time, however, we become angry or frustrated when we do not get what we want. We have a goal that has been blocked. Anger out of control can become destructive. It can make you feel like you are at the mercy of a powerful emotion that is unpredictable and at times irrational. Anger can vary in intensity from mild irritation to intense feelings of rage. Anger is accompanied by physiological changes: heart rate and blood pressure go up. You also get an adrenaline rush, which is like gasoline to fuel our “fight or flight” response.
Uncontrolled anger can be devastating to a child. Anger tears down protective boundaries of self. Anger itself can be a weapon of control and manipulation. When a parent uses anger as a weapon, the children will grow in a fear-based environment rather than cultivating a culture of love and respect.
See your Reflection in the Mirror of God’s Word
Have you ever seen your own angry red face in the reflection of a mirror? I never knew I had anger issues until I was faced with the daunting task of potty-training a toddler. By the fourth mishap of the day I was pulling off her jeans with such force that I am sure I scared her. Then I screamed and caught sight of my face reflecting back at me in the mirror: ugly and red, distorted by rage, this was the face my daughter was seeing.
Seeing your reflection in the mirror of God’s Word brings truth of your own need to change. It is easy to point your finger and look at other people who have out of control anger. It is another thing to honestly assess how you personally deal with anger. Whether you express, suppress, or calm your anger is your choice, but anger is not an emotion you can ignore. Unexpressed anger can come out in passive aggressive ways, such as cynical comments, cutting looks, critical judgments, which contribute to broken relationships.
Our children can receive the brunt of our unexpressed anger. We may be angry at a situation at work and seem perfectly calm there, but come home and make life miserable for everyone we encounter. Children pick up on our hostility and blame themselves for it. An angry mother is the source of much pain for her children.
Here are 4 ways to overcome this invisible struggle that every mom faces:
1. Reflect
Jesus gave His followers a pattern to overcome temptation in the prayer that we often call the Lord’s prayer. In this prayer that is prayed across the globe as a model for daily prayer we find what we need to overcome the enemy on a daily basis.
“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.” (Matthew 6:9-13)
Just by setting aside in your day to read the Bible and reflect on God’s ways will change everything. When you understand that your role as a mom is bringing God’s kingdom into your very home. His will is being done as you follow Him and teach your kids about His word. Whenever you reflect on what His word says and what His will is you will know how to follow Him. As you pause to ponder, listen and reflect, your questions will be answered and you will receive wisdom that comes from heaven above.
2 Trust
You can trust that God will give you your daily bread as you seek Him. Your daily bread is not just a crusty loaf, it is a metaphor for everything that you need. Anytime you feel overwhelmed in the moment, focus on the fact that God will give you everything you need in the moment.
Earlier I told the story of how I lost my temper while I was potty training my oldest daughter. She is now 23, engaged to be married, and a nanny to 2 twins. The other day she was telling me how she feeds two newborn babies at once and I sat there amazed. Wow – how does she have the patience for this? The grace to care for newborn twins comes from God.
You can trust God. The things that seem so difficult in the moment are really simple to the God of the universe. You just get to put your tiny hand into His. Like a child look into His eyes and trust Him to show you how to parent even as He parents you.
3. Prepare
Jesus said, “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the Evil One.” In this prayer, He was teaching us to prepare for battle. Do mom’s do warfare? YES! Every single day you battle against the forces of hell who understands better than you do how you are on the frontlines. You are teaching the next generation how to love God and how to live in the world.
So everyday prepare for the battle. Ask God to lead you in His ways and to reveal the hidden traps. Get dressed in His whole armor (Ephesians 6) and His apron of humility. Let your heart be filled with the fruit of His love which covers a multitude of sins.
Every mom faces this same battle… you can overcome in Him.
4. Believe
Let your mind and heart hope and believe in Him. Greater things are yet to come and greater things are yet to be done in your home. As you triumph over dishes, laundry, and potty training you are being trained to change the world through the power of God’s love. “The Hand That Rocks The Cradle Is The Hand That Rules The World” is a poem by William Ross Wallace. He praises moms for being world-changers and national-influencers.
Believe that God is able to use you to change history as you fully embrace the task of pouring into the next generation. Let your mind think thoughts of peaceful confidence as you enjoy your daily life as a mom. Reflect, Trust, Prepare and Believe – 4 ways to overcome the invisible struggle that every mom faces.
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Brenda Kean is the mother of 4 beautiful daughters and serves along with her husband Garry as a missionary in Kenya Africa. Brenda has the heart of compassion for the least and the lowest and willingly serves in the slums of Nairobi equipping women and helping them create jobs to find a way out of poverty. Brenda and Garry and the family are in Nashville for six months on furlough. You can connect with Brenda Kean at www.keanco.com.
Mother Teresa was a tiny woman who transformed a continent. Taking a vow of poverty and answering the call within the call she began a movement of nuns who cared for those dying of Leprosy and AIDS. This feisty woman knew how to live the Golden Rule in daily life. This is what she said,
“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”
― Mother Teresa
Be a Mom that Changes the World
As a mom, you may never win a Nobel Peace Prize for feeding your children waffles for breakfast, but you can transform the next generation by following Jesus’ example and living your life by the Golden Rule. Even though mother Teresa did not have biological children, she impacted the next generation by the simple truth’s of her life. Her life was lived sacrificially.
The Golden Rule can be found in Matthew 7:12 where Jesus said “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets”. This Scripture has been called the Golden Rule because it is a summary of the Sermon Jesus gave on the mount and it is found in the teachings of many cultures. It is a standard that has helped form the moral code of society.
Rule 1: LOVE
Love is an active expression of your commitment to lay your life down for someone else. It is constant affection and unconditional regard. You are called to love your child as you would like to be loved. Sometimes you will feel the feelings associated with love… and sometimes you won’t. However, the biblical meaning of agape love is not based on emotion. You must love your child enough to disciple them in God’s ways, bringing truth to bear on every area of life.
Rule 2: Compassion
Compassion is recognizing the suffering of others and taking action to help. Teaching your child to have empathy towards another child’s pain is so important for their moral development. One way you can teach this is by taking time to be compassionate for how your child is feeling.
A wrinkle in your child’s sock will feel like nothing to you, but it may really bother them as they wear their tennis shoes. I made so many mistakes as a mom, by not recognizing and allowing my children to feel things. I would try to talk them out of their feelings and reason with them why they should feel differently.
It’s a tricky thing to validate your child’s feelings, and yet teach them about the bigger picture of the needs of children in other nations. A real change came for my daughter Sarah at age 12 when she and her older sisters traveled with Wayne and I and my mom to Brazil to adopt our sons Dre and Zeke. Being able to see poverty first hand and opening our home to boys that had been orphans for most of their lives changed my daughter from being an egocentric adolescent to care about the needs of others.
Ask yourself this question. Do you as a mom live a life of compassion that reaches across social economic and racial barriers? If you live a radical life of compassion, your children will see compassion in action.
Rule 3: Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a conscious choice to pardon the actions of someone who has hurt you. Although everyone’s natural instinct is to self-protect, forgiveness is a a gift of mercy and grace to someone else who has wronged you. Forgiveness is not a feeling, forgiveness is a choice. Forgiveness is an act of your will to extend to others what was extended to you by Jesus when He died for your sins. Forgiveness is motivated out of your obedience and love of God.
You can teach your child forgiveness by being a forgiving person. Do you hold grudges? Does your anger or bitterness towards your spouse provide an undercurrent in the house that everyone can feel? Forgiveness is not forgetting or sweeping things under the rug. but forgiveness is costly.
Be a mom of outstanding Character
If you are a woman who loves Jesus fiercely, you will obey His commands. His rule for you life will compel you to walk in love, compassion and forgiveness every day of your life. If you walk in this way, day in and day out, your children will learn the Golden rule directly from you. Even if your kid’s don’t seem to be “getting it” make the Golden Rule a standard of your life anyway. In the end, it’s between you and God anyway.
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If being a mom were as simple as doing the right task at the right time in the right way, you would have self-help books that would make you an expert. The hard thing about being a mom is that it is not so much about what you do, but it is more about who you are.
Maya Angelou’s famous quote applies to moms, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” This is true of how our children will look back at how we raised them. If you and I are to be moms that truly connect with the heart of our child, we need to look at those wounded places in our own hearts that imprison us.
Raw Moments as a Mom
If you were to write about your most raw moment as a mom, what would you talk about? Most of the time we do not talk about our mistakes. We have learned if we keep these insecurities under lock and key, we will be more respected. The problem is this lock and key also imprisons you and I to our flesh rather than granting us freedom in Christ.
Behind Bars
Unresolved issues can put us behind bars. A divorce, a miscarriage, abuse, addiction, disappointment are things that can imprison us in our past. Sometimes we shake the bars trying to get out, other times we just slump down in a chair giving up, believing the lie that we will never change.
How many times do we become trapped behind bars, unable to make progress: Ensnared in emotional jails, confined by financial struggles, or imprisoned in lifeless existence? Sadly, each of us have keys hanging around our necks, temporarily hidden from view, but available to each one.
The Key of Faith
The key of faith in God will unlock the hidden realities of heaven on earth. Jesus died for our sins, not so that we could be miserable until He came again, but so we could live the life of an overcomer. When you put faith in God, mountains move and prison doors unlock.
Martin Luther King Jr. said “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” Your faith is in God not in yourself. The key of faith will unlock future possibilities. In order for you to be the best mom in the world for your child. you must be a woman of faith.
The Key of Obedience
To obey God is to make Him the highest authority in our lives. Obedience is to completely follow His Word, His will, in His way. We chose to follow because of our love for Him. We surrender or own short-term preferences, for His eternal promises.
We are called to obey, right away, without delay. Mother Teresa said “Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.” It is in our daily walk of obeying God in the small places in our lives that we apply this key to be truly free.
When we put the keys of faith and obedience in the lock of our jail, the very bars that imprisoned us will become rails of a bridge of breakthrough. This bridge will carry us to a new place of freedom, but it will also help our children as they follow along the freedom path.
Teaching Our Children Faith and Obedience
The best way for you to teach your children about faith is to be faithful to God Himself, to His word, to His will, and to walk in His ways. The best way to teach your children obedience, is for you to have an obedient heart towards God.
Yes, what you say and what you do as a mom is important. But the most important thing is who you are.
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Malekiah Bell grew up in the projects of Detroit Michigan. As a teen she was on a path of destruction until her aunt opened her heart and her home to rescue her and help get her on a better path. Malekiah applied herself in school and now is a registered nurse who runs a program called Advanced Nurse Assistant training where she trains others. She also has begun a non-profit ministry called the Zoe Center that helps transform the lives of young women to overcome abuse, depression, drug addiction and unplanned pregnancy (www.zoectr.org). For the past 10 years Malekiah as been a single mom to her two nieces and nephew.
It’s the fourth of July and you want the fireworks that you experience as a family to be in the sky, not an explosion of anger in your home. To celebrate your freedom in Christ, lets talk about 4 steps to let some of the hot air out of your anger.
1. Laugh
I don’t know about you, but I need a dose of humor in order to be a good mom. It’s one of the things that as I look back at my mistakes as a parent, I wish I would have laughed more at the toddler mishaps. Experts say “a well-developed sense of humor can boost a person’s immune system, contribute to a more optimistic outlook on life, and increase self-esteem.”*
In tense situations laughter is good medicine – so laugh! Laugh at yourself and how intense you are. If you are too upset to laugh, take a break. Watch a fun movie to get your mind off the problem. Let the toxicity of the moment evaporate so that you are able to see the truth in the situation rather than the exaggerated details of your mind.
Bill Cosby said, “Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it. ”
2. Listen
When I become angry, usually it is a red flag that I am thinking negative thoughts that lead to irrational feelings. Usually I am putting myself and my goals before others. It’s in those moments that if I can silence myself and listen to God and listen to the needs of others. Even a cranky toddler can be communicating that they are tired and need a nap or hungry and need a snack. If I truly stop and listen I am more likely to respond in love rather than anger.
Become a good listener not only of words, but be a discerner of the deeper issues of the heart. Listen to find out what is really happening in the moment. Sometimes the words a person speaks is just camouflage for what they are feeling in the moment. Listen to the needs of others not just your own.
3. Learn
Part of walking with God is being a life-long learner of His ways. If we form a habit of regularly becoming irritable and angry even at the smallest issues with our families, we need to seek to learn a different way. We won’t learn if we continue to make excuses that “I’m a redhead and redheads get angry.” Rather, when we admit that we are wrong, confess our sins to another, we are on the path of learning a new way.
As a young mom when I was learning how to replace my anger with God’s love I would sit myself in time out. The girls were even cute enough to “pray for mommy.” I also began to talk about my anger as sin and to confess it openly to my husband, often in front of the children. I wanted them to know that it was not okay for me to respond in anger. Bringing my own anger into the light really helped me to get free.
4. Love
A mother’s love is unconditional. A mother’s love should not be based on whether or not your child followed all the rules. A mother’s love, like God’s love, sees the best in a child. Calls out the potential rather than criticizes their lack. A mother is able to draw out and encourage. A mother’s love is only able to heal the bruises and bumps of the world if it is completely anchored in God’s love.
Nothing is impossible for a mom who holds the world of her newborn baby in her hands. Love pushes over every wall of rejection and every fortress of rebellion. Love conquers all.
As you laugh, listen, learn and love you will grow closer to God as you grow closer to your family. The anger of the moment will evaporate when you concentrate on walking in God’s fruit of love.
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